Saturday, January 24, 2015
I've Never Been Good at "Living in the Moment"
Even still, I often feel tethered to my past, enslaved to the future.
When I find myself in a difficult or uncertain situation, like not knowing if I will have enough money for next month's rent or I miss the comfort of having a special someone in my life, I escape to more familiar times. Even if those times weren't necessarily happy ones, they were familiar and comfortable.
On the other hand, I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about my future, especially with regards to finances. Before having my son, I never worried about money. I earned enough to live week-to-week and then some. Now, after walking away from my full-time teaching job to work from home so that I can be the influencing factor in my son's upbringing, my income isn't as consistent or abundant.
One of the only times I feel that I truly live in the moment, breaking free from my past and defying my future, is when I am caring for my plants. While watering them, I don't reminisce about times gone by, nor do I worry what the future will inevitably bring; I am simply and peacefully caring for my plants. Watching the water cascade down their leaves and petals, sometimes pooling into watery bubbles, centers me.
Tenderly clipping away dying or dead leaves, I metaphorically remove my own withered branches, releasing the shackles that bind me to past mistakes and freeing me to grow.
The other activity that anchors me to the present is reading to my son.
While he sits next to me, or perches on my lap, I am reminded of how fleeting these years can be. I don't want to wake up one morning and wonder where our time went; I want to look back on my years raising him and know that I savored every moment.
So, today I reflect on these moments of "living in the present", and I hope to capture more of these moments before they slip away.
You can share your "moments" in a slice over at Two Writing Teachers!