I used to dread Mother's Day weekend! After years of trying, multiple miscarriages, and a failed marriage, the thought of having to start over at thirty-six (and-a-half) all but sealed my fate! Not only would I never become a mother, but I would have to endure Mother's Day weekend for the rest of my childless life!
Extreme, I know; but this was the mindset in which I found myself. I just could not make peace with the idea of never carrying a child, giving birth, bandaging a hurt knee, or soothing bruised feelings. How would I live a full and rich life, when there was a cavernous hole where a child should have been?
Mother's Day used to be like taking a stroll through a minefield; no matter how carefully I stepped or maneuvered, I was repeatedly hit by images of Mommy-bliss: moms lulling their babies to sleep, pushing giggling toddlers on swings, playing catch with enthusiastic T-ballers.
I hadn't always focused on the child missing from my life! A mere five years previous, I didn't even want children. My life was perfect just the way it was; I had a good-paying job, the freedom to come-and-go as I pleased, friends and family who enriched my life. But, hiding just out of my periphery was that mythical clock, silently ticking the years away; until, one day, the alarm bell went off! All of a sudden, and I can't really pinpoint the moment, the day, or even the year that it happened, I desperately wanted a child!
Once this alarm bell went off, it was as if my vision had cleared...narrowed...honed in on every mother and child that previously went unnoticed. Consider when you are in the market for a new car, and you have your heart set on one specific model or color; all of a sudden, you notice that make or color at every intersection (not that having a child is like car shopping, because it isn't).
After months and years of heart-ache, longing, and self-pity, after hearing friend after friend share their pregnancy news, trying to rejoice in their happiness but wallowing in my own grief, I had my own news! It came to me in the form of a tiny pink line one Saturday morning. It was the Saturday before Mother's Day five years ago that changed the course of my life. What had once been accepted as fate suddenly shifted to manifestation, because I was having the child I had longed for, dreamed of, and held in my sleep.
Five years ago this morning, I received the miracle I had been waiting years for...that one solid pink line! And, that is why I celebrate being a Mommy the Saturday before Mother's Day!
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